I am in misery.
For when I am in misery
The poem ceases to be
Words crafted and chiseled
From abstracted thought.
The poem begins to be me.
August 31, 2000
4.41 pm, Thursday
And this is where you should meet me…
October 21, 2011Meet me at my core.
Do not let me leave it, or forsake it. It has been my shelter during the hurting.
This is where I am right now…
Bachelor Girl - Treat Me Good
My frustration.
The years I worked on knowing a person gets all crashing down with the realization that you don’t know the person at all. Add to that is the same number of years knowing the person you invested in letting the person know you, having faith that the person will take care of what was made known. It’s letting the person in - only to be robbed of that little space you’ve been taking care of all your life.
I am getting to know you again. Get to know me, too. What changes you had the past three years is nothing compared to what changes I had undergone.
I have this odd wish to know the person’s past. I am anal that way (smile). I try to let go of that need. In my mind, there is a need to do so for me to know the entire person. The wholeness. Oddly, too, I have this dead-end wish - to have been a part of that past. I know it’s pointless. Why couldn’t I just “move forward”?
I don’t know. Maybe because the past I was talking about belonged to me, yet I was out of the picture…
Ulan
October 10, 2011I should have posted this a long time ago.
This video is a project of Zjazel Studios, owned by very good friends Romeo and Bebe Villegas. This is basically an idea of Arde (the lead actor here, and incidentally That’s My Boy 1987 1st runner up to Atong Redillas) and Jherlene Geliang. Almost every weekend we’d shoot music videos, record songs and poems (my Forever poem was recorded and shot there - that post is buried deep down in this blog).
Arde wanted to shoot a short film. He didn’t have a script when he said he wanted to shoot. So breakfast with Bebe and Romeo and the lead actress, who was celebrating her birthday that day, they came up with an idea.
This is the idea that became a short film.
Never leave your partner..
October 2, 2011So come back to the light
To the love, you will find
It’s been here all along.
So come back to the start
And you’ll find in your heart
That you always belonged
To Me.
From the film, Fireproof.
From the desire of being loved…
October 1, 2011Today, I amused myself with an animated series, Penguins of Madagascar.
Because today, I wondered again, how I can stop hurting someone with my doubts. And just thinking about how these doubts are getting in the way of my, as John Mayer would say, “perfectly lonely” life is making me all gloomy as the weather (a typhoon Quiel is it?).
On my walk home from work, I tried to revisit how I usually was the same period last year - take those walks with the Lord.
And I just had to ask the Lord to make my heart like His - full of forgiveness. That if I can ask forgiveness from Him, I would have to learn to forgive as well.
There is no way to deal with my doubts except by humility.
Here’s a prayer I found online that helped me a lot during my break up, and I’d like to share it here. And I hope I can pray it as often as I can especially now.
It’s the Litany of Humility. You can find it here, too.
O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.From the desire of being loved…
From the desire of being extolled …
From the desire of being honored …
From the desire of being praised …
From the desire of being preferred to others…
From the desire of being consulted …
From the desire of being approved …
From the fear of being humiliated …
From the fear of being despised…
From the fear of suffering rebukes …
From the fear of being calumniated …
From the fear of being forgotten …
From the fear of being ridiculed …
From the fear of being wronged …
From the fear of being suspected …That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.That others may be esteemed more than I …
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease …
That others may be chosen and I set aside …
That others may be praised and I unnoticed …
That others may be preferred to me in everything…
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…
